


Pretty

by rowdyclub



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Hair Dyeing, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Project Blackwing (Dirk Gently), just mentions of it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-28
Updated: 2017-10-28
Packaged: 2019-01-25 08:57:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12527676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rowdyclub/pseuds/rowdyclub
Summary: “What,” Todd bent down, picking up the box from the floor and turning it over in his hands.“Is this hair dye? You were looking at hair dye?”





	Pretty

**Author's Note:**

> for the 'toad...is perfect' group chat. most of your fics hurt my feelings but i love you all anyway. also, thanks for finally convincing me to get an account.

Convenience stores at three am reminded Todd of Dirk. The floors squeaked, the lights were a tad too bright, and it always had an eerie, magical effect of conjuring the feeling that anything at all could happen at any given moment. 

Which was why, when Todd looked up and found that Dirk was no longer jealously sulking at various kid toothbrushes (“I mean, why don’t they have these in _adult_ sizes Todd? Why are the adult ones so _boring?_ ”) he was almost exasperated at the instant fight-or-flight response. Not necessarily because he had the response, but because he should have gotten it the second that Dirk had stopped rambling in his ear. 

“Dirk?” Todd called out in a stage whisper, before repeating a bit louder. “Dirk?” 

For a moment Todd felt slightly like a child who had lost his mother in the shop- if his mother just so happened to find a lot of strange things in increasingly strange places, like a black hole in the toilet, or King Henry the Eighth lounging on an IKEA sofa (which really was a bad experience all around). 

“Dirk?” Todd repeated, his voice tinged with annoyance and if he was being honest with himself, slight panic. Very slight. And mainly because he didn’t want to have to explain why a convenience store was blown up, again. He was starting to feel like the mother in this situation. 

“Christ,” Todd muttered to himself, before setting down two tubes of toothpaste as angrily as someone could when they were obviously just trying to decide between anti-plaque or whitening. “Why does this happen? Why does something _always_ happen?” 

He succumbed to what he knew, deep down, this evening would come to. Why did they have to do things at three am anyway? Who cares if they both couldn’t sleep (nightmares)? Who cares if Dirk wanted to get a candy bar and used up all of Todd's toothpaste (which, why? and how?)? Todd did, though. Todd cared. Todd was not very happy about it. And he stormed off. 

“Dirk!” He hissed. He was certain that he was going to turn into an aisle and find something weird or dangerous, like a hoard of flying monkeys. But he didn’t. Instead, he turned into an aisle and found Dirk standing with his back to him and his head turned down looking intensely at something. And not talking, which was what worried Todd the most.

Dirk had wandered off before, of course. He did it all the time. He just assumed that Todd was following right behind him without question, but normally when such a thing happened he would continue to blurt things out along the way. It didn’t matter if Todd never said anything back (because sometimes he _wasn’t there_ Dirk, for Christ's sake), he was sure that Todd was following, and he was _sure_ that Todd was listening. He wasn’t doing that now. For the first time since they had known each other, Dirk did not expect Todd to follow. 

“Um. Dirk?” Todd hesitantly asked, feeling like he was interrupting something.

Dirk immediately jerked harshly, like he was a puppet on a string that was yanked upwards. He turned so suddenly that he knocked several items off the shelf and his hands flew behind his back, efficiently hiding whatever it was he was looking at from view. His smile looked false and it wobbled a few times before it stuck. 

“Todd!” He managed to stammer out. “Yes, hello! Hi. It’s Todd. You’re Todd and you’re here.” 

“Yeah, it’s Todd,” Todd said slowly, feeling out of place and a bit worried. “And I came in with you. To this store. So I am here… I think. It’s late.”

“Yes, I suppose you did, didn’t you?” Dirk said.

Todd watched as Dirk uncomfortably shifted. “What do you have behind your back, Dirk?”

“What?” Dirk took a step back. “Nothing. It’s nothing. I haven’t got anything behind my back. I like holding my hands like this, is all-“ 

Todd started forward on instinct after watching Dirk step away and his foot caught against something, sending it skidding across the tiled floors. 

“What,” Todd bent down, picking up the box from the floor and turning it over in his hands. “Is this hair dye? You were looking at hair dye?” 

Dirk tilted his head upwards slightly in indignation. “Maybe it is. What do you care? It’s normal. Plenty of people dye their hair. Rockstars, even.”

Todd raised one hand, the hand not holding the box, and tried to look as nonjudgmental as possible, which really was quite difficult considering his face was just… like this. 

“Dirk, I don’t care. I was just wondering.” 

Dirks' shoulders slumped slightly, but he still looked guarded, like he was expecting Todd to point and yell, “Ha! Pranked!” 

“So,” Todd said, studying the box he was holding in his hand and trying to sound casual. “What color do you have there?”

“It’s just supposed to lighten my hair, really,” Dirk said. 

His posture was slowly loosening, bit by bit, and he held out the box he had been holding behind his back. “Anything besides… _this_ dark. I want it to be like… before everything. I guess.”

Todd looked at the box that Dirk was holding out, and then back up to Dirks face, which still looked nervous and vulnerable. 

“Dirk… why don’t you like your hair dark?” 

Dirks expression closed tightly, like slamming a door closed, and Todd knew that it was the wrong question to have asked, but it had slipped out. Todd never had to worry about anything that he said around Dirk, and Dirk never closed off like this. Or maybe he had, but never around him. A very small part of himself whispered that maybe Dirk had and he just _hadn’t noticed_. That one was the worst out of all of them.

“Sorry. You don’t have to answer that. We’ll get the color, I’ll even pay for it-“

“It’s okay,” Dirk said quickly. He wrapped his arms around himself and cleared his throat once, twice. “It’s okay.” 

Todd paused, frowning. 

“I haven’t…told anyone much. Of what happened, I mean. Or how it affected me.” Dirk continued. 

_What happened_. Those words always had something to do with Blackwing. They were Todd’s least favorite words.

Dirk took a breath, and Todd made sure he was listening fully- like he always did. Maybe the words that Dirk said sometimes weren’t really all that important, but Dirk was important. So it mattered. Everything Dirk said mattered. 

“They would do… experiments.” 

Todd had known about this part, of course. It was hard not to know when Dirk woke up some nights yelling himself hoarse and wouldn’t settle down until he could see, actually see, Todd. Could run a hand over Todd's arm or squeeze his hand. He had to make sure that Todd was real. Just the thought made Todd's knuckles go white as he gripped the box in his hand until it crunched.

“There was a one-way mirror. It was the only place I could see myself, throughout the day. But I always saw myself scared. And alone. Always, always alone.”

 _Without you_ , was the hidden meaning. Todd could feel every bone inside of himself creak ominously. Like his bones were about to snap into a million pieces from the weight of wanting desperately to protect someone from something that had already happened. From a deed that was already done.

“Now whenever I look into a mirror, I feel like that person again. Alone. Frightened. Without you.”

Dirk had been looking down while he was saying this like he was afraid of Todd's reaction. But now he was looking at him, and his eyes were full of helpless tears and Todd never wanted to see that look on his face again. It was almost as horrible as when Todd had called him a monster, and the expression screamed and begged to please, please be _understood_. For once. 

“Okay,” Todd said and then, maybe for himself, he repeated it again. “Okay.”

Todd looked down and could hear himself sigh even though he hadn’t meant to. He closed his eyes and opened them again, and then he smiled. 

“I have an idea.” Said Todd, and Dirk spluttered. 

“You’re going to help me?” 

“Of course. You’re my best friend. And no offense, but I’ve helped you with a lot more messed up shit than dyeing your hair. I mean, even rockstars do it, right?”

Dirk smiled, his chest starting to inflate again and it was starting to hurt, a bit. In that way it does when someone shows that they truly care and you’re not quite sure what to do to show how much you care, too. “Yes, this does sort of pale in comparison to all that, doesn’t it?”

“Kind of,” Todd said, before holding up the box that he had had in his hands the whole time. A little crumpled from the grip he had on it, but still useable. “How about a big change?”

“Pink? Todd, really.” But Dirk was still smiling. He wouldn’t mistake himself in the mirror again. He wouldn’t mistake himself as that person from what seemed like a lifetime ago, who thought he was never coming home. 

“Those pink band-aids suited you,” Todd joked, and he was relieved to be joking again. “And _Panto_ had pink hair and he was the greatest swordsman like, ever. I think you’re worthy enough.” 

Dirk grinned, all big and happy again like an expanding balloon. “You think so? Maybe you’re right, Todd. You know, I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone with pink hair who wasn’t cool? Although, it would be a bit of a change. I wouldn’t look like myself at all, really.” 

“That’d be the point,” Todd said. “And you would still look… you know.” 

“Know what, Todd?” Dirk asked, his head tilted sideways like he always did when he was confused. 

“You’d still look… you know. Nice.” 

“I look… nice?” Dirk sounded extremely, appallingly bewildered for a detective. 

“Yeah. Um. Like,” The box in Todd's hand was starting to not look like a box at all, and he thought that they’d have to get a new one. “Pretty. Pretty, I guess. You look pretty. And uh, nice… and stuff.” 

So quickly that Todd wouldn't have even noticed it if it wasn’t a ‘holy shit’ moment, Dirk kissed him. It was brief, and it was more of a peck than a kiss, but Dirk Gently, the most incredible person in the world, kissed him. Todd Brotzman. Todd Brotzman the liar. Todd Brotzman the cheat. And really, Dirk Gently deserved so much better than him, but at the moment his brain was currently stuck on a broken record of _holy shit, holy shit_.

“You kissed me!” Todd exclaimed, not angrily, but the kind of reaction that someone had to something extremely obvious like: “Wow, this pen still works!” Or, “Wow, it snowed!” Or, “Wow, I was just kissed on the mouth area! Where I eat!”

“Yes, I did.” Dirk had rocked back onto his heels and was staring at the fluorescent lighting like he was purposefully trying to go blind. “Was it.. okay? I could have misread the situation. Did I misread the situation? I’m very good at misreading situations-“

“Yes,” Todd interrupted. “I mean, Yes. And No. Christ. Yeah, it was okay.”

“Good,” said Dirk. “That’s good.”

Dirk immediately shot off into a fast-paced babble- so fast that Todd couldn’t latch onto any words as hard as he tried. It wasn’t until they were finished checking out, until Dirk flung around a corner in the car so fast that Todd had to hold onto the plastic bag as tight as he could to keep it from being thrown out the window, until after Todd stained all of his clothes and complained wildly about it even though Dirk had warned him to wear a trash bag or something, until after Todd had fallen asleep with one arm draped over the back of the couch and one leg on the floor- did Dirk lean over and whisper, with extreme seriousness, “You look pretty too.”

Dirk pretended that Todd could hear him. Todd pretended that he was still asleep.


End file.
